png photo with transparent background of collaged ephemera, including: a dried lily of the valley, a skeleton key, celestite pieces, a fake tooth, a white ribbon, stickers (heart, stars, gems, pearls, washi tape), and scraps of paper with one reading 'diary' in stamped letters

recent posts:

dog-tired pt. i

the dog days of summer

much in keeping with my summer spirals, every post i've started lately careens outward as it accumulates more and more thought and research and crafting, until the post itself is overripe and unpresentable, the time to share it slipping through my fingers.
the dreaded dog days ("the hottest and most unbearable days") of summer, according to the farmers' almanac, are from july 3rd to august 11th. this summer has been quite the crucible, and today's weather is much more pleasant for me but if i say we're in the clear now i might jinx it. in this post i'll be telling you about the dog days of summer, sirius the dog star, and sharing a spread from my sketchbook at the end. i plan on going into other dog themes in future posts, since my research spilled out and i have other art pieces to share (in-progress and already finished). it may in fact be too late for the impetus of this series, but if so let this be a celebration that we made it this far ✩

the aforementioned farmers' almanac article explains that the phrase originated in ancient rome ("diēs caniculārēs"), where they believed the hotter days were due to the star sirius contributing its own heat as it rose and set with our sun (the summer heat is actually caused by the earth's tilt).

Sirius, SIHR ee uhs, also called the Dog Star, is the brightest star that can be seen from Earth at night. Sirius has a diameter more than twice as large as that of the sun and gives off nearly 30 times as much light. It is a star of the first magnitude. Magnitude is a measure of the brightness of a star (see Star [Brightness of stars]).
Sirius forms part of Canis Major, a constellation in the sky of the Southern Hemisphere. Sirius is one of the stars nearest Earth. It is about nine light-years away. A light-year, the distance that light travels in a year, equals about 5.88 trillion miles (9.46 trillion kilometers).

- from world book encyclopedia (2023 ed.)

a photo of two books on a floral fabric background. "the sky observer's guide" is underneath, and on top is "the amateur astronomer's handbook" opened to page 295. at the top it reads "the constellations" and has information about canis major and canis minor.

as a kid i dreamed of having easy access to an encyclopedia, and now my girlfriend owns the world book set so i find myself looking up general information there all the time! for a quick look at stars and constellations i typically reference my old star-gazing books pictured above: the amateur astronomer's handbook: a guide to exploring the heavens (3rd ed.) by james muirden and the sky observer's guide: a handbook for amateur astronomers by r. newton mayall, margaret mayall, and jerome wyckoff. i also stumbled upon a book specific to the dog star secondhand, and found the information therein fascinating:

...Sirius is prominent as the principal star of the constellation Canis Major, Latin for the Greater Dog. Canis Major is located below and to the left of Orion, the Hunter. Above Canis Major is Canis Minor, the Lesser Dog (Figure 2.1). Both of these Dog-Constellations represent Orion's faithful hunting dogs and constant companions, who track and fetch his prey. Indeed, Canis Major, at the foot of Orion, is often envisioned as being poised, ready to spring towards the constellation of Lepus, the Hare. Canis Minor also contains its own prominent dog-star, Procyon, whose name in Greek literally means the one that goes before, or precedes, "the dog". This refers to the fact that Procyon is seen to rise approximately an hour before Sirius.[...]
Although the name Sirius may well be associated with the Greek word σείριος ("sierios"), meaning searing or burning, the ancient Greeks themselves were uncertain as to the source of the name.[...]
To the Greeks, the first appearance of Sirius in the morning skies during the final days of July and early August indicated the arrival of the sweltering heat of late summer. Specifically, in the Greek mind the star was also associated with heat, fire, and even fevers. There was also a strong association with dogs, and in some instances with the ominous presence of doom. [...]
...there do exist written cuneiform references to Sirius from ancient Mesopotamia which also allude to dogs. For example, the word 'Kak-shisha has been translated variously as "the dog that leads" and "a Star of the South". Later Mesopotamian names include Kal-bu, "the dog" and Kakab-lik-u, "the star of the dog". The Phoenicians were said to have called it Hannabeah, "the Barker". [...]
To the Alaskan Inuit of the Bering Straits, Sirius is the "Moon Dog". [...] To the Blackfoot of the north-western Great Plains the star was "dog-face". Among the Cherokee, whose ancestral home was the central Appalachian Mountain region, Sirius and Antares are the dog stars that guard the ends of the "path of souls", the Milky Way.

- from sirius: brightest diamond in the night sky by jay b. holberg

i'll be touching on the associations with doom and omens (as well as other portentous mythical beasts and unrelated dog folklore) in an upcoming post, but for now i'll leave you with the promised peek into my pocket sketchbook:

an animated gif of my pocket sketchbook, open to a two-page spread of a pen drawing: text reads "GOOD DOGS DON'T BITE // I AM NOT A GOOD DOG" with sparkles on either side and a squiggly diagonal line across the center. on the left side is a dog's face focused near its eyes, and on the right side is a dog's teeth. the drawing is in black ink with silver accents, and a light passes across it, making the silver shine at various places. the sketchbook is next to the two pens used on a black background.a recent spread using a muji .38 black pen & a gelly roll metallic silver gel pen

until next time ♡

heatwave

the solstice came & went and summer isn't bluffing

just a little glimpse for you today, it's hard to have the energy (or breath) for many words in this weather. yesterday was #makeaterriblecomicday2025 (thank you pseudonymjones!) and another year has passed where i tried to do it but got a bit carried away.

a square comic with two square panels on top and one rectangular panel on bottom. pencil-like illustrations show weeds including a dandelion, a hand with glaring sparkles, and a rabbit in various stages of hopping away, with a squiggly background. the first panel says "i step outside the house and sunbeams lance through my foggy form" - panel 2 says "piercing holes in the shimmering gossamer" - panel 3 says "i have to retreat, writhing"

i pray you're staying cool & safe. i'll see you on the other side of this dreadful heatwave ♡

dizzying pt. i

spring & summer & sisyphus & spirals

glittering ophanim dart around the corners of my vision, bright eyes blinking in and out of the dark. i can't seem to keep my footing.
i am not built for spring and summer: everything loud and bright and buzzing and crawling and burning.
nothing stays still but, rather, it all is turning very slowly. nausea creeping, i realize it over and over.

- fragments from my notes app

a scrap of paper with the number 752 in the top left corner and the following poem handwritten in pencil"Emerging from / an Abyss and / entering it again / that is Life, is / it not? - envelope poem by emily dickinson, sourced from amherst college library's digital collection and the gorgeous nothings - another fuller version is in her letter to susan

i've been thinking a great deal of late about spirals and circles, cyclical natures. along with other chronic issues, my vertigo has grown overwhelming again. suffice it to say i'm spinning out in more ways than one.

two scans of book illustrations. the first shows two figures standing on clouds, with a ring of glowing angels in the sky above them and another around them. the second shows two figures standing facing away from the viewer, looking at concentric circles of countless winged beings with a sunburst at the center, known as "the saintly throng in the form of a rose"engravings by gustave doré for dante alighieri's paradiso, cantos xii & xxxi

disability may invoke these feelings with a certain inevitability.
compounding with The Symptoms, each year i am consumed by a seasonal dread. the heat and sun, the allergies, the bugs, the sensory overwhelm. i realize now there is no proper, comprehensive way to steady oneself for this. anticipation and preparation do little to curtail the torrent - job suffers and reasons but still stumbles uncomprehending at the divine presence of the whirlwind.
i keep trying to talk about it plainly but i find myself spiraling out into metaphors & pictures & stories. there is dread. so much is happening. i am ill. it all repeats & repeats, in circles, in spirals.

two photos of book pages. the first shows a spiral symbol with the word nasa underneath, and the second shows the definition in the toki pona dictionary compiled by sonja lang, with the books "toki pona the language of good" and "tokipono la lingvo de bono" underneath. the entry is a long list and includes the concepts of weird, strange, silly, and confuse.we've been getting back into toki pona again as well...

camus concludes the myth of sisyphus with:

The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.

i know my seasonal dread is never an empty threat, yet i fought against the current best i could this year. i hold cherished memories of last summer gently in my hands:

two greyscale photos, one of a wilting moonflower blossom and leaves against a post, and another close-up of bountiful basil leaves

photo of a "flying trapeze" type amusement ride and cloudy sky

photo of perspective looking down sitting on a jacket on grassy ground next to a black tote. the pants are split-leg - one with a diamond pattern and one with a filagree pattern

gif looking up at trees and sky during rainstorm, raindrops cascading down

gif of flooded grassy area in rainstorm, substantial puddle rippling with rainfall

circles, spirals.
i've been thinking about this all so much. in a sense it's all i can think about, or, everything i try to think about spirals outward. i've been working on this post for weeks and researching galaxies & labyrinths & optical illusions & whorled shells & spinning toys & faerie rings & timeloops & rotating storms & midcentury hypnotism & geometry of course & mythical beasts & carnival rides & crop circles & so on . . .

it's too much for one post - i can admit that. i'm grouping some of them together for future posts and a zine (hence the pt. i in the title), including a couple playlists and some book & film recommendations. it's nice to have a project, at least (they say, countless projects stacked haphazardly around them).

a digital sketch of the pokémon poliwag and shiny spinda with periwinkle and pale green spirals spinning in the backgrounda quick sketch i did of some twirly swirlos

i'm going to keep trying, don't worry. suppose i'll see you again the next time around.

until then ♡

credit: video clips of rainstorm i took last summer, made expertly into gifs above by moonbeam

meow & bow

come meet my chatty robot friends!

animal crossing is so dear to me, and although i'll save more of my experiences and opinions (and things i've made!) for the shrine on my website, i thought i could tell you about my love for two of the lesser-known characters from the series.

pencil-like sketch of meow and bow with a transparent background. meow is a cat in a floral-patterned dress. bow is a dog in a houndstooth-patterned shirt. both are standing, smiling, and have screen-like faces.
a little sketch i did recently of the two cuties

meow (the cat) and bow (the dog) were villagers in doubutsu no mori e+ ("animal forest e+"). this 2003 gamecube game came about after positive reception for animal crossing (the american version of doubutsu no mori / animal forest, now expanded and for the gamecube) sparked interest in japan for the additional expanded content. in this japan-exclusive version, e-reader cards (for the game boy advance's e-reader) of all sorts were compatible, but among the ones exclusive to this specific game were the character cards for bow and meow.

bow and meow have green-tinted faces that look like monochrome lcd screens, and logos on their foreheads. they're modeled off of the "bowlingual" and "meowlingual" devices sold by the takara toy company in japan at the time. these little gadgets claimed to be translation devices for dogs' barking and cats' meowing. bowlingual consisted of two pieces: one would attach to a dog collar and receive the dog's bark, and after categorizing it into one of six moods (happy, sad, on guard, assertive, frustrated, needy) the handheld unit would read out a "translation" (one of 178 pre-programmed sentences). although the american version made it onto time magazine's "2002 best inventions," reviewers pointed out its shaky science and efficacy. regardless of authenticity, the toys were cute and silly, and inspired a couple really interesting character concepts!

a website screenshot. there are images of cats and the handheld meowlingual device which has a screen with a face and buttons that are arranged like a paw-print. the website is bright pink and there is japanese text overtop advertising the gadget.
the meowlingual website, c/o the internet archive, 30.10.2003

two images with a transparent background. on the left is a model of bow facing forward from the video game. on the right is the bowlingual device, a white handheld gadget with green buttons in the shape of a pawprint and a screen turned off.
bow as seen in the game & the bowlingual device

two more images with a transparent background. left is a model of meow, and right is the meowlingual device, a white handheld gadget with pink buttons, triangle ears, and a screen showing a cartoon cat's face design.
meow as seen in the game & the meowlingual device

the devices' concepts are reflected in the flavor of the characters' e-cards: bow dreams of becoming a translator someday, and meow is an expert at interpreting facial expressions and body language.

images of bow's e-card with transparent background. the left shows the front of the card, with a picture of bow on a teal background. the right has teal accents and shows the card's text in japanese, translated below.

similar images of meow's e-card, with gold accents.

i just love these strange little robot animals. there's a special nostalgia around these things... it evokes handheld digital pets like tamagotchi and giga pets, as well as robot pet toys like poo-chi and idog. i've always had a soft spot for peculiar gadget toys, and i may or may not be making a blog post about my star wars commtech at some point too ^-^ i hope you've enjoyed meeting these sweeties (or seeing them again if you've met them before).

until next time ♡

sources:
nookipedia | animalcrossing fandom wiki | takaratoys website via archive.org | time 2002 best inventions via archive.org | bowlingual review

dear diary

on diaries, blogs, commonplacing, and memory-keeping

Natalie's journal; middle October:
I suppose you have been wondering for a long time, my darling Natalie, what I can find to be thinking about. I suppose you have even noticed--Natalie seems so strange lately, she seems so withdrawn and distant and quiet, I wonder if Natalie is coming along all right, or if there is something troubling her. Perhaps you have been thinking, dearest, that Natalie had something she wanted to say to you. Perhaps, you thought, Natalie is frightened and perhaps she even thinks sometimes about a certain long ago bad thing that she promised me never to think about again. Well, that's why I'm writing this now. I could tell, my darling, that you were worried about me. I could feel you being apprehensive, and I knew that what you were always thinking about was you and me. And I even knew that you thought I was worried about that terrible thing, but of course--I promise you this, I really do--I don't think about it at all, ever, because both of us know that it never happened, did it? And it was some horrible dream that caught up with us both. We don't have to worry about things like that, you remember we decided we didn't have to worry.

- Shirley Jackson, Hangsaman

for many reasons i've always had the compulsion to document, compile, and archive. i write and draw and do countless crafts, i collect all the little fragments that resonate with me and i do what i can to keep everything just so.

two tumblr posts. one by "sweatermuppet" that reads "typical journal entry: anger, mourning, expressing joy over the mundane, regret, longing, regret, anger, what i ate today, crushing loneliness, wishing my friends well, single line of poetry, anger, mourning, list of goals, list of fears, list of tasks to be done, goodbye" and the other by "bisexualcrabking-deactivated202 that reads "*writing in my diary using a glitter gel pen* I'm losing my sense of humanity"

with recent events i've found myself in an excavation of sorts, stumbling upon old bones of my previous selves and struggling to remember what went where. salvaging weathered sketchbooks, secret notes folded neatly, scraps of diary entries heavily redacted even at the time... i've had blogs in the past as well, where some teenage me would post confessional poetry and drawings and desperate accounts of daily life in code. my current system depends on a messy steno pad, a very small sketchbook, and a pocket rings.

two square photos of a black pocket-sized 6-ring binder with metal charms on a wooden table. my pocket rings, ft. a nice and jingly charm i put together recently

a photo of a small sketchbook, a muji pen, and a steno pad atop a cream floral fabric surface. the sketchbook shows an ink drawing of a wolf and lamb. my steno pad, sketchbook, and most frequently used pen

my chary nature remains at odds with my yearning to connect and give. lately i've been over the moon arranging my website: making pngs and pixel art, planning interactive shrines and corresponding zines for my itch.io page, and setting up this very blog. i have so many ideas (typically much less vulnerable and raw than this introductory post -- lists and explorations and such) but still i agonize over how much to share. i find that i'm afraid to let myself write anything lest it all spill out. i am a rabbit venturing out of its warren, my little heart beating with haste. this is already a battle in my personal practice, but on a blog, an invitation to others?

ceaseless watcher, turn your gaze upon this wretched thing

- The Magnus Archives

a diary is in its own way a bit of a haunting: you leave a ghost behind, a remnant of the self. so here i am knocking on your wall, playing with your lights, or writing in the fog in your mirror. whatever glimpses you catch of me here, this time i put them forth as an offering.

I have built a you within me, or you have. I wonder what of me there is in you.

- Amar El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone, This Is How You Lose the Time War

wherever you are, and wherever i am, i'm sending you love and wishing you well. i'm so looking forward to sharing more here and elsewhere on my website. my everlasting thanks to my sparkling moonbeam for all of the ...computery... help and teaching. heaven knows i couldn't have done all of this without you!!

until next time ♡