recent posts:

• 2026.02.14 - be mine
• 2026.01.31 - ←mmxxv←
• 2026.01.08 - →mmxxvi→
• 2025.10.20 - trick-or-treats
• 2025.09.14 - happy birthday
• 2025.08.28 - dog-tired pt. ii
• 2025.08.20 - dog-tired pt. i
• 2025.06.25 - heatwave
• 2025.05.22 - dizzying pt. i
• 2025.04.30 - meow & bow
• 2025.04.15 - dear diary

be mine

happy valentine's day

some emojis for you: 💌🗝️🎀👼💍💐🦢🥀🍓🏹🕯️🧸🍫❣️

i can't help being so gushy and sappy. i always have been.

when i was a freshman in high school, the eponymous debut album from the used was often playing on repeat on my ipod nano. i remember being so excited when they released lies for the liars; my favorite song was of course "the bird and the worm." bert opened the song with:

he wears his heart safety-pinned to his backpack

teenage me swiftly hand-sewed a little fabric heart and safety-pinned it to my emily-the-strange messenger bag ❤︎ my little existential crises remain constant (could i really be that same self as all the other selves i've purportedly been, etc etc) but silly memories like this make me wonder how much i've changed really... i digress.

valentine's day has always been dear to me (any excuse to express all my affection spilling over). love letters folded neatly, handmade mixtapes, confessional poetry, flower bouquets in pink and white, heart-shaped lollipops, teddy bears, strawberries, photobooth snapshot strips, sugar cookies baked from scratch, satin ribbons and frilly lace...

i still like to send out valentines, and this year i made a zine of them you can find here for free / pay what you want.

after having already posted it on itch and mailed them to loved ones, last night when sorting through old things i came upon this drawing i did in 1999:

i suppose i really haven't changed in some ways.

with love ♡

←mmxxv←

a retrospective, of a sort...

if this diary entry were on real paper it would be falling apart from all the erasing and rewriting. 2025 is hard to talk about, in broad strokes or in small details. for multiple reasons i haven't been able to find the words. nothing feels right.

a visit from an angel on my old digi cam

the thing is, i don't anticipate figuring this one out any time soon. i can't tell you about 2025, really. but i will take another page from algo's book and tell you about some media i was fond of last year.

from night tide

♡ films:

some of the sweetest memories of 2025 were my movie nights with algo & vlos. we did a lot of re-watches as well, but some new-to-me favorites include (in order of watching):

1. night tide (1961)
2. sinners (2025)
3. cat people (1942) and the curse of the cat people (1944)
4. the red shoes (1948)
5. wake up dead man (2025)

i know it's cheating to put two on one but they do go together (and they don't). i hope to do a deep-dive diary entry into the curse of the cat people (or amy and her friend) and what it means for me, as well as some sort of adaptation project with night tide (i have a lot of notes...).

from the curse of the cat people

♡ shows:

not quite suitable for a numbered list, but we did fly through a lot of programming. i'm a little old man/woman/etc who likes werther's candies, embroidering, gin rummy, letter-writing, and reading in my rocking chair on the porch in the summer rain, which is to say i never miss an episode of jeopardy. we also enjoyed some (reality? competition?) tv like traitors, sewing bee, bake-off, tiny house nation, and the great big tiny design challenge.

i think i'll have to make a separate entry just for a Blorbos From My Shows list because well this was really a year for that - we watched a lot of the cw arrowverse (chronologically, much like our buffy & angel watch-through), and we continued to keep up with much of the critical role content (including exu, thresher, & campaign four which is off to a terrific start). i also saw ergo proxy for the first time - it's funny finally getting around to anime you've been planning on watching since high school.

from celeste

♡ video games:

animal crossing (acnh, but also acpc) wins yet again for solo-playing (followed up by neopets if you count the time i spend there) but i watched algo play through a lot too. among those, mafia 1 definitive edition (which you'll likely hear about more in that blorbo bonus post) and celeste really made an impact. celeste's visuals and story (and themes) were entirely captivating and i feel so honored to be able to witness it, especially because i don't think i would ever have the skill to get more than a couple levels in myself.

together we played a bunch of mario kart 8 deluxe & mario kart world around the holiday. i'm not very good but i feel very fulfilled trying for second place and spending all my time throwing things at the other characters to keep them away from my honey. the only mario kart i really played up until now was mario kart wii, and only really coconut mall over and over and over :), but these have been very fun. i only want to play rosalina but i do like unlocking the other characters.

oh but i also started snufkin: melody of moominvalley - it's so darling and i suggest getting all cozy to play it with a blanket and chamomile tea.

♡ books:

so many books this year disappointed me or were simply awful, but fortunately there were some really special ones too. some of my favorites include:

1. the word for world is forest - ursula k. le guin
2. i know what you did last summer - lois duncan
3. the serviceberry - robin wall kimmerer
4. the god of the woods - liz moore
5. invisible man - ralph ellison

i've been meaning to write a diary entry exploring IKWYDLS and my research around the larger phenomenon that spiraled out around it; maybe i can get to it this year as the warmer seasons creep back up on me. for now my advice is to make sure you do not read the new "updated" edition - try to get one of the old ones if you're interested, and do what you can to clear your mind of any "adaptations" & cultural context beforehand.

i also read some more memoirs, and of those i'd recommend:

1. we have always been here - samra habib
2. the dad rock that made me a woman - niko stratis

from snotgirl

♡ comics:

i didn't read as many comics as i hoped in 2025, but of them i really liked (again in order of reading):

1. critical role: the mighty nein origins: caduceus clay - kendra wells, selina espiritu, et al.
2. lost at sea - bryan lee o'malley
3. snotgirl - bryan lee o'malley & leslie hung
4. saint catherine - anna meyer
5. hello sunshine - keezy young

caduceus was a lovely read - i'm very picky about the critical role comics (i think the only other one i really loved was yasha's) and this one felt so nicely executed in every way. snotgirl is easily one of my favorite comic runs of all time, i was so happy to see it come back and still be so so good. lost at sea was the last bryan lee o'malley graphic novel for me to read, despite being the first he authored. it hit that summer ache i was feeling pretty squarely, but i'm sure it would have been very formative for me had i read it 20+ years ago too. saint catherine was so beautiful, in its art and its writing. hard to go into the themes of this one or hello sunshine but they both mean a great deal personally. and keezy has always stunned me with their work; the first line in my little review for this book was "sobbing, clutching this to my chest." i suppose that'll have to do for my recommendation!

from hello sunshine

♡ music:

i listened to some things on repeat a lot this year, including:

1. waxlimbs - see my shrine for more
2. ash souvenir (especially the song, on the album ash souvenir) - ragana & drowse
3. katie greenwood ross - i still can't find the right words, i'm so sorry. katie forever ✷

hope some of these connect with you too. it's cold out there and i'd like to share what warmth i can.

a december night's snowfall on my old digi cam

until next time ♡

→mmxxvi→

a happy wildcat new year...

hello again ☆ gosh, 2026?

2:30am - 2026.01.08

i hope winter has been kind to you. it's been a little while since my last entry. every time i sit down to write, my thoughts begin to freeze over; i've had an awfully difficult time articulating myself, here and elsewhere. trying to organize my thoughts, my plans, my environment - everything feels like a tangled mess and all i can seem to do is chip away at it.

an eventual tattoo i've had the idea for since what, middle school?

i've never been good at managing burnout. there is a lot i need to do and there is a lot i'd like to do, and on that list is a 2025 retrospective entry here. 2025 was quite the year and it feels important to document (and as such, remember) many of the pieces, if i can get my thoughts sorted enough in the first place.

mostly finished archiving 2025, save some scraps here and there

tonight i rewatched hsm with algo & vlos - i am so grateful for little memories like these (more of our book club mentions to come in my potential 2025 retrospective).

tysm moonbeam for the gif!

this is all to say, i haven't forgotten about you. i can't do all that much without short-circuiting right now but i'm sure i'll find a way through it. keep finding a way through it too, alright?

some stickers i got in acpc recently

until next time ♡

trick-or-treats

window-shopping with pngs

you may know already that i like hand-crafting pngs and transparent gifs. sometimes they're from art i make (see the pokémon here or animal crossing characters here) but a lot of the time they're objects i own in photos i took, or screenshots of items from video games, etc.

it's kind of meditative, like a coloring book, taking something and erasing around it by hand until it's a silly little transparent png. it feels like cutting collages out of magazines or paper dolls at a slumber party. i don't really do anything with the pngs for the most part, but they're still fun to collect.

oddly enough, it can also make for a more charming window-shopping experience; i have a folder on my desktop where i've png-ed items for my dream home or dream wardrobe or whatever else. mostly i wouldn't be able to justify buying these things but it's nice to daydream about regardless. i had a folder going of some items from the pottery barn halloween release this year, and imagine my surprise when i happened to glance again at the website last night and find that most of the items are half-off or more!! we ended up investing in a few of the ghost-themed items after all, as staples i will be using in the kitchen (year-round of course). i am awfully particular about things, not usually indulging unless something is just-so, but i am so looking forward to setting the table for a ghostly tea party someday.

in the spirit of my whimsical new purchase i wanted to share some of my finds with you, in case you might be similarly enthralled...

♡ HAUNTED HOUSE ♡

i. lidded bowl with spoon

ii. lidded candy bowl

iii. party bucket & iv. serving platter

v. salt & pepper shakers

vi. beaded placemat, set of four - note, not currently on sale! & vii. light up pillow

♡ GHOSTS ♡
"gus the ghost" stoneware items

i. mugs, set of four

ii. appetizer plates, set of four

iii. snack bowls, set of four

iv. 3-piece serving set which consists of: candy bowl, triple condiment server,
& serving platter

i hope you enjoyed our little window-shopping trip together, and that your halloween is sweet like mulled cider & caramel apples!
until we meet again ♡

happy birthday

it's my party & i'll cry if i want to

i actually love birthdays in a general sense - i love celebrating that someone exists and that i got to witness it. i want everyone to feel the warmth of being seen and loved and thanked, and to be told that i feel lucky for knowing them in that moment.

- from @kaavikiwi / @kaaviya

surrounding my own birthday however i tend to get hit with a very strong existential dread each year. there's a special kind of loneliness saved for birthdays forgotten or unpleasant. some memories still haunt me, but i do what i can to keep my head above water.

- fragment of sheet music for "it's my party"

- asks on bebemoon's blog - oh to be such a fortunate sailor or witch...

i was particularly inspired seeing marian churchland's wonderful birthday wants lists, now on their patreon, and thought i'd try to put together something similar. i am limiting my scope to not include any grander world-changing wishes (such that a faerie creature might grant) as i always spin out trying to think through that sort of thing. so here's a quick sketch of my own "birthday list" ranging from realistic to perhaps less-so but in no particular order.

1. a strange trinket, treasure, or bauble: a sparkling rock, an odd coin, a pocket porcelain doll or pewter figurine, a good orb or amulet or talisman...
2. a nice tea, free from my very long list of poisons
3. a love letter, a poem, a song
4. enough health & energy for meaningful tasks, such as finally painting the bedroom (yes of course that is based off of a neopets paintbrush)
5. tattoos & piercings (i have a few planned out still)
6. a visit to the ocean

from the bottom of my heart i'm wishing you a happy birthday when yours comes around again too. until next time ♡

dog-tired pt. ii

let me dream of claws and teeth

well, i intended to start this off with a brief overview of "what is a dog" and ended up spiraling out into hours and hours of research on taxonomy and phylogeny, my brain an absolute mess of classification systems. it's funny too that my current before-bed read has been in the land of invented languages by arika okrent, and i just finished the section about john wilkins and his classification system for his universal language. in an essay towards a real character, and a philosophical language, wilkins classified the concept of dogs under "V. RAPACIOUS: Beasts of the DOG-Kind." he then classifies dogs down to:

European; Terrestrial; [...] Bigger; either that which is noted for tameness and docility: or for wildness and enmity to Sheep.
1. DOG, Bitch, Puppy, Whelp. Bark, bay, yelp.
WOLF, Howle.

"RAPACIOUS: Beasts of the DOG-Kind" goes on to include such as "SEAL" (under "Amphibious;"), "JACKALL" (under "Gregariousness;") and even "CARAGUYA" (perhaps a kangaroo?, under "A bag under the belly [...] having a mixed resemblance to both an Ape and a Fox.").

with all my reading on biological classification systems (i'm being sooo restrained not ranting about carl linnaeus here) i've noted various attempts to distinguish canids and their lookalikes, but it seems generally in modern taxonomy that canines (caninae, under canids or canidae) consist of fox-like canines versus dog-like canines. dog-like canines include south american canines (such as the maned wolf and bush dog) as well as the wolf-like canines, which i'll be focusing more on here (including domestic dogs, wolves, coyotes, jackals, dholes, and african wild dogs). the colloquial (or even folk-taxonomy) understanding of "dogs" often appears to center on the companion (domestic) dog and fade out into the beast (wolves, jackals, foxes, etc), and i've found the themes interweaving.

from "peanuts" by charles m. schulz (22 march 1958)

i've thought a lot of dog as companion, versus dog as beast. domesticated versus wild, the safe and the unknown... the emphasis of loyalty with dogs in storytelling, as well as the transgression of a dog who bites. the yearning of a well-trained, obedient dog for the community of a pack (see "here's the life i've always longed for" by anna haifisch). stories often use dog symbolism to explore power imbalances and relationship structures with dog and man (see also the aching interplay in werewolf stories of: 1. the proximal nature of dog to man as ally, and 2. wolf to man as predator).

Dogs use various vocal sounds, including barks, yelps, whines, howls, and growls, to communicate with other dogs and with people. These sounds mean different things in different situations. For example, whining may indicate pain when a dog is injured or merely anxiety when the dog is separated from its owner.
The danger of a bite is greatest if the dog stands stiffly with its tail and ears erect and the fur on the back of its shoulders raised. It may bare its teeth and bark, growl, or both. Never stare into a strange dog's eyes because it may consider your stare a threat and attack you. Instead, avoid eye contact, keep arms down, and slowly back away. Do not turn around to leave or run because this may trigger the dog's instinct to chase you.

- photo and excerpt from world book encyclopedia (2023 ed.)

dog as friend, as companion, as guardian, as hunter, as omen, as beast... i often love a dog motif for gender reasons (always gravitating toward sad/bloody/loyal henchmen characters) and in further entries i hope to explore more on dog characters (and archetypes) in media, in faerie tales and folklore, and some sillier things too. but lastly for now i'll leave you with another piece i made recently...

i've been spending a lot of time on my waxlimbs shrine (coming hopefully very soon, stay tuned!!) where i'll post a bunch of art i've done this year. not really having social media anymore has made sharing art more challenging, but i'm so pleased that this website, and its shrines and diary, can give me a place not only to share my work but to gush about things i love. (thanks as always my sparkling moonbeam for all the coding work; collaborating with you on so many projects this year has been an honor and a delight ♡)
anyway i had an alternate version of one of the drawings (from a series of studies of their concert video - i'll tell you plenty about how much it means to me on the shrine page proper) where i had the lyrics from that moment overlaid. the words fit the themes of these diary entries really well and i figured it would make for a nice sneak peek; you'll find the version without the quote on the shrine when it's ready!

this line is shortly before some truly transcendent freestyle vocalizing from will in the live performance of "earth is unmade." watch the from the garden concert video and come back soon to see more ♡

dog-tired pt. i

the dog days of summer

much in keeping with my summer spirals, every post i've started lately careens outward as it accumulates more and more thought and research and crafting, until the post itself is overripe and unpresentable, the time to share it slipping through my fingers.
the dreaded dog days ("the hottest and most unbearable days") of summer, according to the farmers' almanac, are from july 3rd to august 11th. this summer has been quite the crucible, and today's weather is much more pleasant for me but if i say we're in the clear now i might jinx it. in this post i'll be telling you about the dog days of summer, sirius the dog star, and sharing a spread from my sketchbook at the end. i plan on going into other dog themes in future posts, since my research spilled out and i have other art pieces to share (in-progress and already finished). it may in fact be too late for the impetus of this series, but if so let this be a celebration that we made it this far ✩

the aforementioned farmers' almanac article explains that the phrase originated in ancient rome ("diēs caniculārēs"), where they believed the hotter days were due to the star sirius contributing its own heat as it rose and set with our sun (the summer heat is actually caused by the earth's tilt).

Sirius, SIHR ee uhs, also called the Dog Star, is the brightest star that can be seen from Earth at night. Sirius has a diameter more than twice as large as that of the sun and gives off nearly 30 times as much light. It is a star of the first magnitude. Magnitude is a measure of the brightness of a star (see Star [Brightness of stars]).
Sirius forms part of Canis Major, a constellation in the sky of the Southern Hemisphere. Sirius is one of the stars nearest Earth. It is about nine light-years away. A light-year, the distance that light travels in a year, equals about 5.88 trillion miles (9.46 trillion kilometers).

- from world book encyclopedia (2023 ed.)

as a kid i dreamed of having easy access to an encyclopedia, and now my girlfriend owns the world book set so i find myself looking up general information there all the time! for a quick look at stars and constellations i typically reference my old star-gazing books pictured above: the amateur astronomer's handbook: a guide to exploring the heavens (3rd ed.) by james muirden and the sky observer's guide: a handbook for amateur astronomers by r. newton mayall, margaret mayall, and jerome wyckoff. i also stumbled upon a book specific to the dog star secondhand, and found the information therein fascinating:

...Sirius is prominent as the principal star of the constellation Canis Major, Latin for the Greater Dog. Canis Major is located below and to the left of Orion, the Hunter. Above Canis Major is Canis Minor, the Lesser Dog (Figure 2.1). Both of these Dog-Constellations represent Orion's faithful hunting dogs and constant companions, who track and fetch his prey. Indeed, Canis Major, at the foot of Orion, is often envisioned as being poised, ready to spring towards the constellation of Lepus, the Hare. Canis Minor also contains its own prominent dog-star, Procyon, whose name in Greek literally means the one that goes before, or precedes, "the dog". This refers to the fact that Procyon is seen to rise approximately an hour before Sirius.[...]
Although the name Sirius may well be associated with the Greek word σείριος ("sierios"), meaning searing or burning, the ancient Greeks themselves were uncertain as to the source of the name.[...]
To the Greeks, the first appearance of Sirius in the morning skies during the final days of July and early August indicated the arrival of the sweltering heat of late summer. Specifically, in the Greek mind the star was also associated with heat, fire, and even fevers. There was also a strong association with dogs, and in some instances with the ominous presence of doom. [...]
...there do exist written cuneiform references to Sirius from ancient Mesopotamia which also allude to dogs. For example, the word 'Kak-shisha has been translated variously as "the dog that leads" and "a Star of the South". Later Mesopotamian names include Kal-bu, "the dog" and Kakab-lik-u, "the star of the dog". The Phoenicians were said to have called it Hannabeah, "the Barker". [...]
To the Alaskan Inuit of the Bering Straits, Sirius is the "Moon Dog". [...] To the Blackfoot of the north-western Great Plains the star was "dog-face". Among the Cherokee, whose ancestral home was the central Appalachian Mountain region, Sirius and Antares are the dog stars that guard the ends of the "path of souls", the Milky Way.

- from sirius: brightest diamond in the night sky by jay b. holberg

i'll be touching on the associations with doom and omens (as well as other portentous mythical beasts and unrelated dog folklore) in an upcoming post, but for now i'll leave you with the promised peek into my pocket sketchbook:

a recent spread using a muji .38 black pen & a gelly roll metallic silver gel pen

until next time ♡

heatwave

the solstice came & went and summer isn't bluffing

just a little glimpse for you today, it's hard to have the energy (or breath) for many words in this weather. yesterday was #makeaterriblecomicday2025 (thank you pseudonymjones!) and another year has passed where i tried to do it but got a bit carried away.

i pray you're staying cool & safe. i'll see you on the other side of this dreadful heatwave ♡

dizzying pt. i

spring & summer & sisyphus & spirals

glittering ophanim dart around the corners of my vision, bright eyes blinking in and out of the dark. i can't seem to keep my footing.
i am not built for spring and summer: everything loud and bright and buzzing and crawling and burning.
nothing stays still but, rather, it all is turning very slowly. nausea creeping, i realize it over and over.

- fragments from my notes app

"Emerging from / an Abyss and / entering it again / that is Life, is / it not? - envelope poem by emily dickinson, sourced from amherst college library's digital collection and the gorgeous nothings - another fuller version is in her letter to susan

i've been thinking a great deal of late about spirals and circles, cyclical natures. along with other chronic issues, my vertigo has grown overwhelming again. suffice it to say i'm spinning out in more ways than one.

engravings by gustave doré for dante alighieri's paradiso, cantos xii & xxxi

disability may invoke these feelings with a certain inevitability.
compounding with The Symptoms, each year i am consumed by a seasonal dread. the heat and sun, the allergies, the bugs, the sensory overwhelm. i realize now there is no proper, comprehensive way to steady oneself for this. anticipation and preparation do little to curtail the torrent - job suffers and reasons but still stumbles uncomprehending at the divine presence of the whirlwind.
i keep trying to talk about it plainly but i find myself spiraling out into metaphors & pictures & stories. there is dread. so much is happening. i am ill. it all repeats & repeats, in circles, in spirals.

we've been getting back into toki pona again as well...

camus concludes the myth of sisyphus with:

The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.

i know my seasonal dread is never an empty threat, yet i fought against the current best i could this year. i hold cherished memories of last summer gently in my hands:

• pesto made from scratch with basil fresh from my lovingly tended balcony garden
• my friends laying their jacket on the ground for me when i was too afraid to sit in the grass at the ren faire
• delightful scavenging - yard sales & farmer's markets & library sales
• standing still in rain storms letting myself get soaked through & transcend
• filling pages in my pocket sketchbook, watching beloved films, flying through books & annotating rereads
• wandering smitten with my dear ones - a graveyard, an escarpment, an empty playground
• seeing fireflies for the first time in what felt like ages
• the treat of the summer: blackberries & whipped cream in a secondhand teacup & saucer with a tiny ornate spoon
• holding hands & watching the full moon, clouds drifting past in the warm breeze
  one must imagine sisyphus happy

circles, spirals.
i've been thinking about this all so much. in a sense it's all i can think about, or, everything i try to think about spirals outward. i've been working on this post for weeks and researching galaxies & labyrinths & optical illusions & whorled shells & spinning toys & faerie rings & timeloops & rotating storms & midcentury hypnotism & geometry of course & mythical beasts & carnival rides & crop circles & so on . . .

it's too much for one post - i can admit that. i'm grouping some of them together for future posts and a zine (hence the pt. i in the title), including a couple playlists and some book & film recommendations. it's nice to have a project, at least (they say, countless projects stacked haphazardly around them).

a quick sketch i did of some twirly swirlos

i'm going to keep trying, don't worry. suppose i'll see you again the next time around.

until then ♡

credit: video clips of rainstorm i took last summer, made expertly into gifs above by moonbeam

meow & bow

come meet my chatty robot friends!

animal crossing is so dear to me, and although i'll save more of my experiences and opinions (and things i've made!) for the shrine on my website, i thought i could tell you about my love for two of the lesser-known characters from the series.

a little sketch i did recently of the two cuties

meow (the cat) and bow (the dog) were villagers in doubutsu no mori e+ ("animal forest e+"). this 2003 gamecube game came about after positive reception for animal crossing (the american version of doubutsu no mori / animal forest, now expanded and for the gamecube) sparked interest in japan for the additional expanded content. in this japan-exclusive version, e-reader cards (for the game boy advance's e-reader) of all sorts were compatible, but among the ones exclusive to this specific game were the character cards for bow and meow.

bow and meow have green-tinted faces that look like monochrome lcd screens, and logos on their foreheads. they're modeled off of the "bowlingual" and "meowlingual" devices sold by the takara toy company in japan at the time. these little gadgets claimed to be translation devices for dogs' barking and cats' meowing. bowlingual consisted of two pieces: one would attach to a dog collar and receive the dog's bark, and after categorizing it into one of six moods (happy, sad, on guard, assertive, frustrated, needy) the handheld unit would read out a "translation" (one of 178 pre-programmed sentences). although the american version made it onto time magazine's "2002 best inventions," reviewers pointed out its shaky science and efficacy. regardless of authenticity, the toys were cute and silly, and inspired a couple really interesting character concepts!

the meowlingual website, c/o the internet archive, 30.10.2003

bow as seen in the game & the bowlingual device

meow as seen in the game & the meowlingual device

the devices' concepts are reflected in the flavor of the characters' e-cards: bow dreams of becoming a translator someday, and meow is an expert at interpreting facial expressions and body language.

• Name: Bow
• Gender: Male
• Personality: Lazy
• Species: Dog
• Star Sign: Leo
• Default Clothing: Houndstooth knit
• Default Umbrella: Blue umbrella
• Pet Phrase: ...バウ (bau..., “bow...”)
• Description/Profile: 大好きなあの人に想いを正しく伝えたい！そんなあなたの手助けをしてくれるような気がします。強い味方な気がします。将来の夢は翻訳家だとか。 / "You want to properly convey your feelings to someone you love? Bow can help with that. He's a powerful ally. He dreams of becoming a translator someday." (fandom wiki) / "I want to tell that special someone exactly how you feel! I hope you will find this information helpful. I have the feeling they are your closest friend. My dream is to become a translator." (nookipedia)
• Favorite Word: Loyalty
• Favorite Song: K.K. Love Song
• Appearance: Doubutsu no Mori e+ / Animal Forest e+ (only, & e-card exclusive)

• Name: Meow
• Gender: Female
• Personality: Peppy
• Species: Cat
• Star Sign: Virgo
• Default Clothing: Blossom shirt
• Default Umbrella: Gingham parasol
• Pet Phrase: ...ミャウ (myau..., “meow...”)
• Description/Profile: ちょっとした仕草や表情から、相手の考えをビシバシ見抜くするどいミャウちゃん。彼女の前じゃ、ウソをついてもすぐにバレちゃいます。 / "The strict Meow can see through her opponent's thoughts with a single glance. If you tell a lie, she'll know." (fandom wiki) / "Meow-chan has a keen sense of perception, and she can tell what others are thinking from the slightest gesture or expression. If you try to lie in front of her, she will know right away." (nookipedia)
• Favorite Word: Voiceprint analysis
• Favorite Song: K.K. Gumbo
• Appearance: Doubutsu no Mori e+ / Animal Forest e+ (only, & e-card exclusive)

i just love these strange little robot animals. there's a special nostalgia around these things... it evokes handheld digital pets like tamagotchi and giga pets, as well as robot pet toys like poo-chi and idog. i've always had a soft spot for peculiar gadget toys, and i may or may not be making a blog post about my star wars commtech at some point too ^-^ i hope you've enjoyed meeting these sweeties (or seeing them again if you've met them before).

until next time ♡

sources:
nookipedia | animalcrossing fandom wiki | takaratoys website via archive.org | time 2002 best inventions via archive.org | bowlingual review

dear diary

on diaries, blogs, commonplacing, and memory-keeping

Natalie's journal; middle October:
I suppose you have been wondering for a long time, my darling Natalie, what I can find to be thinking about. I suppose you have even noticed--Natalie seems so strange lately, she seems so withdrawn and distant and quiet, I wonder if Natalie is coming along all right, or if there is something troubling her. Perhaps you have been thinking, dearest, that Natalie had something she wanted to say to you. Perhaps, you thought, Natalie is frightened and perhaps she even thinks sometimes about a certain long ago bad thing that she promised me never to think about again. Well, that's why I'm writing this now. I could tell, my darling, that you were worried about me. I could feel you being apprehensive, and I knew that what you were always thinking about was you and me. And I even knew that you thought I was worried about that terrible thing, but of course--I promise you this, I really do--I don't think about it at all, ever, because both of us know that it never happened, did it? And it was some horrible dream that caught up with us both. We don't have to worry about things like that, you remember we decided we didn't have to worry.

- Shirley Jackson, Hangsaman

for many reasons i've always had the compulsion to document, compile, and archive. i write and draw and do countless crafts, i collect all the little fragments that resonate with me and i do what i can to keep everything just so.

with recent events i've found myself in an excavation of sorts, stumbling upon old bones of my previous selves and struggling to remember what went where. salvaging weathered sketchbooks, secret notes folded neatly, scraps of diary entries heavily redacted even at the time... i've had blogs in the past as well, where some teenage me would post confessional poetry and drawings and desperate accounts of daily life in code. my current system depends on a messy steno pad, a very small sketchbook, and a pocket rings.

my pocket rings, ft. a nice and jingly charm i put together recently

my steno pad, sketchbook, and most frequently used pen

my chary nature remains at odds with my yearning to connect and give. lately i've been over the moon arranging my website: making pngs and pixel art, planning interactive shrines and corresponding zines for my itch.io page, and setting up this very blog. i have so many ideas (typically much less vulnerable and raw than this introductory post -- lists and explorations and such) but still i agonize over how much to share. i find that i'm afraid to let myself write anything lest it all spill out. i am a rabbit venturing out of its warren, my little heart beating with haste. this is already a battle in my personal practice, but on a blog, an invitation to others?

ceaseless watcher, turn your gaze upon this wretched thing

- The Magnus Archives

a diary is in its own way a bit of a haunting: you leave a ghost behind, a remnant of the self. so here i am knocking on your wall, playing with your lights, or writing in the fog in your mirror. whatever glimpses you catch of me here, this time i put them forth as an offering.

I have built a you within me, or you have. I wonder what of me there is in you.

- Amar El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone, This Is How You Lose the Time War

wherever you are, and wherever i am, i'm sending you love and wishing you well. i'm so looking forward to sharing more here and elsewhere on my website. my everlasting thanks to my sparkling moonbeam for all of the ...computery... help and teaching. heaven knows i couldn't have done all of this without you!!

until next time ♡